Confession: I buy expensive mascara

I’ve never wanted to be that girl. You know her. The one who spends ridiculous amounts of money on things she could buy way more cheaply. In fact, I semi made fun of these people. Laughing when they got the same result from a salon (read:expensive) shampoo, as I got from Suave.

I came from a family where being called thrifty was considered a compliment. I have seen the extremes in my cheapness: sleeping in an airport so I wouldn’t have to pay a hostel fee, diluting the end of the hand soap to get those last suds (btw/ this didn’t go over well with freshmen year mono ridden roomies), getting a few extra items in that free continental breakfast buffet so I wouldn’t have to buy lunch. But, I never thought this was bad. I mean I never quite hit the level these beautiful ladies have , but I choose generic over name brand. I actually use free samples. I recycle old things into new. I genuinely enjoy transferring money from checking to savings. (Grad school/NYC nearly killed me, living off loans and draining chase.com, ugh) I’m a saver….

and then I read an article about eyelashes and proper care of them. Yes, I know some mascara company probably paid for the magazine to write about this and there are other parts of my health that are more important than lashes. But something stuck with me (not my lashes), and caused me to immediately march to Sephora, try out a gazillion brands and choose a tube. I’ll confess that it cost $18. 18 dollars that could be spent on one night in a hostel in Greece. At least 2 bottles of wine. 2 fun dinners out. 18 fun purchases in the dollar section at Michael’s. But no, somehow I turned vain (let’s not discuss my word choice in “turned”, as if I wasn’t prior) and figured that $18 is an investment to my health. (Health is a term I sometimes use loosely.) And then what’s worse is when I finished that expensive cosmetic, I couldn’t imagine going back to the $4 drug store kind. So, I went back and bought it again. Clearly, I’m trying to rationalize this. The description says its free of parabens, sulfates, synthetic fragrances, synthetic dyes, phthalates. That’s important, right?

“The silky, vitamin-rich formula darkens, lengthens, and thickens from root to tip without ever clumping. “

Vitamins are important?

“Its patented, hourglass-shaped brush is designed to lift and separate every lash while delivering the perfect amount of antioxidant-rich mascara needed for bigger, fuller lashes.”

Blueberries have antioxidants and those are kick A for my body. Surely, I need antioxidant mascara as well.

My only desperate excuse is that I think everyone has some sort of splurge item. Something they won’t settle on. (I’ll also admit I won’t buy off brand Wheat Thins. They don’t taste the same. And it’s just not worth it.) My mom likes to say as she gotten older she has learned what she needs and what she deserves. Maybe, this is just my first step? For now, I’ll just revel when anyone compliments my lashes and hope to God that I don’t buy anti-wrinkle cream that costs $100 before the age of 30.

Please try not to judge me.

Off to B-Gum

I’m leaving for Belgium tomorrow . Hopefully it will be full of all the caloric mistakes that it is known for.

Being “the Belgium kid” could very well lead directly to a middle school existence peppered with Division 1 playground pummelings. I am equally aware that the word “Flemish” is hysterical to an eighth grader and that to hail from a country famous for its waffles, chocolates, and fried potato is to pray for a high metabolism.

- Sloane Crosley

Best I ever had…

So I’ve always been a listmaker.  Most of the times it’s places I want to go to/eat at/see. Especially in NYC, I never wanted to repeat restaurants or bars. There were just too many other options, it didn’t seem right.  But leaving New  York, I felt like I had to make another list.  A best I ever had list.  Please don’t argue with my choices if you disagree.

I’m hoping people who want to visit NYC will take me along as a sort of experienced tour guide.  I’ll take you to all my favorite places, but then probably make you go to many more where I haven’t been. But even if you don’t take me physically there, here are some of my fave places to take me in spirit.

Things to do

Museum: Tie between  Design of Art and Design- Columbus Circle & Cooper-Hewitt Design Museum

Park: Hudson River Park  South, Riverside

Place to Run: Central park reservoir, Hudson River Park

People-watching: Union Square, Highline Park,

Place to waste time: Time Warner Center, Chelsea Market

View: DUMBO- Brooklyn

Grocery store: Trader Joe’s- Union Square, West Side Market- UWS, Fairway- Morningside Heights

Food

Outdoor drinks: Frying Pan-Chelsea, Revel- Meatpacking, The Standard- Meatpacking

Bar/Lounge: Los Feliz- Chinatownish, Arlo & Esme- LES, Bond St.- Noho, Amity Hall- Greenwich, De Santos- West Village

Veggie: Blossom-UWS, Curly- Union Square, Red Bamboo- Greenwich Village,  Gobo- Greenwich Village

Dessert: (Don’t judge on how many places there on this list in comparison) Max Brenner- Union Square, Levain Bakery (get their Pb and Choc cookies)-UWS
Peanut Butter and Co. -Greenwich Village, Pop Bar- Greenwich Village, 16 Handles (froyo)-Union Square

Margs: Rosa Mexicano (get their pomegranate marg)-UES & Caliente Cab (a gazillion diff flavors) – West Village

Italian: Slice- West Village, La Bottega- Meatpacking & Mordani- West Village

Asian: Congee Village (cheap cheap dim sum)- China Town & Fatty Crab- UWS

Sushi: Citrus- UWS & Ashiya (all you can eat and drink)- Tribeca

Fancier/romantic/ambiance: Klee- Chelsea, Little Owl- West Village, Extra Virgin- West Village, Mermaid Inn- UWS, Centro Vinoteca- West Village, Supper-East Village, Kingswood-West Village

Brunch: Sun Burnt Calf- UWS & Calle Ocho- UWS

Working lunch: Chop’t- Times Square, Kati Roll or Roti Roll- Midtown/UWS

After-hours: Pomme Frites- East Village

P.S. This may change as I remember more places I love and miss. Thanks for your patience.

City Love

Dear my love,

So it’s been almost two years now. Isn’t it crazy how fast the time has flown by?  I remember when I first met you. You were so stunning. Attractive. Mesmerizing. A lot of people feel this way about you.  I know.  I wouldn’t and couldn’t be your one and only. So I kept up my walls. I was careful not to get carried away by your charm and beauty. On top of that, I still had feelings from my past relationship. So that was an additional struggle. They say you don’t forget your first. Your first is just so comfortable, so easy. Sometimes I still think I could go back to my first.

But eventually I gave in. I really got to know you. Loved you for who you are. I think it started over the summer really. It was all so perfect. I could feel your warm embrace and couldn’t imagine ever doubting my love for you. For a moment, I could see us being together forever. Now, we’ve had our ups and downs. And I understand that’s normal. It’s those truly amazing days that made me fight for this relationship. You know, November 1st will always give me goosebumps.

I was gone over the holidays and missed you so much. Starting 2010 with you just seemed right, and everything was going so well. But then, I started worrying if I could ever leave you. We were so good together. So fun. So young. But how could we keep this going.  Sigh. This is hard for me to do. We’ve had so many good times. But, the past few weekends you have turned so frigid towards me. I don’t understand why. I hate to say this. But I think we are going to have to break-up. I know come May, when I see the cherry blossoms, I may want you back. But I just don’t know if I can live like this any longer. I need more warmth and sunshine.

I hope I can still come visit you from time to time. You’ll always have a place in my heart.

Yours truly,

SC

(Note: This is my break-up letter written to NYC, the city.)

Food Insecurity

Living in New York, it’s impossible not to think about food. Walking down a single block can leave you with 10 restaurant choices, 2 bodegas, and a grocery store. Researchers have suggested that the rise in obesity could be due to the ease and access of foods today. No one is hunting or gathering down 5th ave. Or at least not for a source of protein.  Perhaps I chose the wrong street.

In any case, for most of society there is no limit to where and when we get food. Restaurants are open all day, grocery stores all night. The idea of going hungry is somewhat foreign in our consumption driven society. However, for some people their economic means puts them in a place where they can’t necessarily take advantage of food in the same way. Townsend et al. (2001) found that food insecurity was positively related to being overweight and obese in women (Journal of Nutrition. 2001;131:1738-1745). At first glance, this seems illogical. If you don’t have access to food, you would think that you’d be more likely to be thin and malnourished, instead of overweight. However a paradox exists, in which those who are food insecure have poor diets consisting of unhealthy foods, and inconsistent eating schedules.  When you don’t know where or when you’re going to eat the next day, you probably aren’t going to ponder whether to scarf down the entire sandwich or to choose the low caloric leafy spinach salad.  This also ties in to prices of healthy food, the cheap, cheap rates for fatty high caloric items, and subsidized farming. But that’s a whole other topic to conquer.

While I read the research, I wondered if similar findings could be suggested for college students. Everyone has heard of the freshmen fifteen. Most colleges provide unlimited access to food. Free food for club meetings. Cafeterias with buffets. The list goes on. People realize college students are poor, so bringing warm food will bring warm bodies. So although college students might not be seen as really food insecure, in the fact they know they can find it somewhere; they don’t know what they will be getting. I remember in my upperclassman days, wondering what I’d eat the next day. That sounds dramatic, but it’s true. I’ll admit I was/am cheap. I lived off campus and would grocery shop, but preferred not spending money on food if there was an event where I could scrounge for my daily meals.  I fortunately had the means to go to the grocery store and make a wise and healthy decision, but if I was going to a meeting or an event I tended to not pack a meal, knowing something (although questioning it’s nutritional content) would be served. This lack of control is similar to those who are food insecure. I would hypothesize that the lack of control makes people eat less healthily, with a lack of clarity for the greater picture or larger time span. People describe your caloric intake like a bank account, you only have a certain amount to spend each day. Well, without knowing what you could possibly purchase, or how much it will be, it’s difficult to stick to a budget.

I believe university settings are improving. More healthy choices are populating menus and meeting snack tables. However, research is still important to see the link between economic status and consumption. How will the current high rates of unemployment and lack of financial stability affect our health? Our eating? At what point, will we involve the government in helping us make healthy decisions?

A glutton for gluten

I suddenly have a new respect for people who have severe allergies. Or really just any allergies at all. Everytime I go to a doctor, they do their routine questioning. Do you smoke? Do you drink?  Do you have any allergies? No, yes, and then I respond with my mom’s canned response. “Not that we are aware of.” I was always a little bitter about this. I mean a cool allergy could be something unique to tell people. “My throat swells up when I eat eggplant.” Or, “I get insane hives up and down my arms when I get within 4 feet of licorice.” I guess it really would only be fun if it was something I adequately disliked as well. (hence the eggplant and licorice) I couldn’t even imagine being allergic to peanuts. Seriously. How do you do that? I love peanut butter with all my heart. That is one of those things on my potential mate’s list that isn’t negotiable. That sounds ridiculous. But you must have heard those stories of someone with severe peanut allergies dying from kissing someone who ate something contaminated with a peanut. That would happen constantly. And I suppose feeling like you can’t breathe or swelling up isn’t that fun for a future hubby, at least not on a daily basis. I mean I know love takes some sacrifices. But peanut butter is not one I’m willing to make. And I can’t really ask someone to risk their life just to be with me. Right?

Anywho, after years of doctors telling me I might be gluten-intolerant, and that going g-free might be an improvement in my health and diet; I’ve finally done it. Well, I’ve done it for 7 days. But hey, you have to embrace small victories in life, right? I have a co-worker who has been g-free for over 20 years, so I know it’s possible, even though right now I keep thinking how I’ll never have a Reese’s again in my life? (AHH. What? Surely I can take little exceptions.)

Nutritional restrictions aren’t really new to my life. I became a vegetarian when I was 14. Then started eating fish again then went back veggie and now am back to a pescetarian lifestyle. At some point I read Skinny Bitch and went vegan for 3 days. Then I realized I loved cheese too much, and threw that out the window. I consider myself nutritionally educated.  I have always read nutritional labels. And by always I mean starting from around ninth grade (although honestly I thought everyoone in the world could eat 2,000 calories a day, even when you were 5’2″ growing girl so it didn’t mean much to me.) My nutrition class in undergrad really inspired me to think more about what I ate (P.S. Roberta Anding , you are my hero.) and ever since then it’s been an issue present in my life. Mostly,  I’ve always just scanned at the calories and serving size…trying to mentally break down in my head what “they” think I’m supposed to eat and what happens if I eat the entire package. (You’d be surprised how many individual things are actually supposed to be for 3 servings, so annoying.) Sometimes I looked at the fat, but I was never that crazy about counting fat grams or anything.

Now it’s all a new game. I scan the ingredients and try to figure out ifi anything could possibly be glutenous in some foreign language or hidden with chemical compounds around it I don’t recognize. In general, I’d like to eat things where I could recognize all the names on the ingredients anyways. But this makes it extra important. Trader Joe’s is pretty easy though since I can just scan the shelves for the little g and know what I can choose from. So far I havne’t seen a huge difference in my life. Although my co-worker (the one who was g-free) asked on Friday (that was really 2 days of the new gfree lif, and one of those being an Ash Wednesday fast) if I had changed my diet. I told him I had strated going g-free and he said my aura was really clear and that my eyes were bright. No comments there. I’ll take it as a compliment regardless of how valid or realisitic it is to see a noticeable difference in 48 hours. It’s probably actually because I am working out at a 24 hours Fitness: Derek Jeter. That’s actually the title. Who does that? (Another topic, another day)

Places I have recently learned  where gluten hides for no apparent reason:

Salad dressing. Really? Why? (It’s expensive and I still have a lot of bottles that have gluten in it… so I’m just considering it to be a trace amount and then I’ll only buy g-free ones in the future)

Soy Sauce. Ooops blew that one at all you can eat sush and sake Friday. (Evidently they do have special soy sauce with no gluten, but I don’t carry packets in my purse for obvious reasons)

Beer. Okay, that might not be so hidden. But it is one of the sad ways I’ll have to change my habits. I don’t want to be the girl who always orders wine even when we are at a really casual Irish pub. I mean I hail from a land full of beers. I feel like it’s an insult to Belgian’s finest breweries. But, I suppose that might just be my fate.

Personal brand

In nearly every class I take, some sort of mention of an organization’s mission or values is inevitable. We discuss about the distinctions between visions and missions. The idea of big hairy audacious goals. (BHAG for short, something both menacing and disgusting in my imagination. Like Shrek but without the cute accent.) And the research that promotes mission statement’s specificity. So, if studies do suggest that companies who have a specific and well written mission statement outperform those who do not, is it the same for people?

If my own personal brand, the one that I’m selling day in and day out to companies, friends, colleagues, had a clear vision would it do better than one without? That’s a loaded question and a no-brainer. Clearly, people with goals and direction have something to move towards and are more likely to be ambitious in the search of their dreams. What is less clear is how I can develop that at the ripe age of 24, when what I want to do with the rest of my life is somewhat terrifying and rotates on a daily basis.

People always ask what do you think you’ll be doing in 5 years, 10 years down the line. It’s hard for me to picture specifics about my career when I don’t know where I’ll be living in 3 months. I guess I always imagine generalities. I’ll be happy, settled, successful, influential. I imagine my life in pictures. At 34, I imagine myself a smiling young professional making a difference and living a healthy life with ones I love. (I literally see a picture in my head, but it’s kind of embarassing to describe how I know what brand I’ll be wearing) But that’s not really a goal. I, and everyone else can do the SMART test and see this isn’t measurable.  One of the senior consultants who I work with did this amazing presentation about values and personal visions. With that I put aside tangible goals for a second, and looked more at characteristics I have always treasured.

I value loyalty and devoting my life to being true and honest with everyone I interact with. By demonstrating faithfulness to my family, friends and community, remaining true to myself, my values, my morals and my hopes for the future. Consistently showing my values, goals and needs align with what I do and who I share with my life with. I value influence-making a difference in my community and placing myself in positions to help improve and change the world. Sharing my ideas and perspective to help broaden viewpoints. Giving back to people less fortunate than me. Inspiring and enacting change to make a positive impact. Using my creativity to inspire and motivate change in my family, friends and colleagues. And lastly I value enthusiasm- promotion of optimism. The hope and desire to work for the best potential opportunity that awaits us. Staying positive and looking for ways to encourage others to do the same. Making connections, helping others to find their role and persist in dreams. Looking for areas of passion and inspiration within everyday domains for constant glimmers of achievement and progress.

Although a company’s mission statement would probably be more directed towards a service, activity or product. I can see myself doing many things and being able to uphold those values I find most important.

My personal mission is to be happy, healthy and hopeful in all aspects of my life. (Yes, I made them 3 H’s, catchy right?) Happiness includes helping others achieve results, being enthusiastic about mine and others’ potential and creative planning for the future. Health speaks to both emotional and physical needs. Close relationships with friends and family, being loyal to those around me and recognizing my feelings and gratitude all contribute as well. Additionally, physical health aspects keep me fresh, balanced and motivated to challenge myself. Hope must be present in order to continually do my best and achieve a vision to inspire and encourage others.

Although I can see myself in many varied career paths (HR, Clinical Psyc, Nutrition, Owning a bakery/stationary/craft store, politics, Non-profit, Consulting… you get the point); I can only really see myself getting there in a few ways. Showing my passion, having support from family and friends, and being persistent. My mission, at this point in my life,  is more about the journey than the destination. Unfortunately, I can’t study the difference of success in my life with or without goals. But, I’m excited to see how these values will shape my future. I’ll let you know in 10 years, how it all pans out.

Follow your Bliss

If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you might to be living is the one you are living- Joseph Campbell

I just found out that Joseph Campbell, the famous “follow your bliss” guy went to Columbia for undergrad. Just another reason to sit on the library steps and hope some of the greatness of  past alumni is magically transported within me.

What is not yours is not your problem

In a city where personal space is unrecognized and apartment space unheard of; shared places are frequent and common. Public parks, benches, streets, corners, transportation, everything is not your own. While sometimes this makes me love this city and all its eccentricities (mainly the people) often times I become frustrated with the lack of respect granted. To our earth, our silence, our community. The subway alone shows what years of disregard can do.

I remember the first time I went to Washington DC after I had been living in New York. I went into their metro and felt like I was in Disney World. Everything was perfect. Clean. Empty.  Granted, their subway doesn’t run 24 hours a day 7 days a week, nor support the entire NYC population, but still it was like an entirely different place.

“Did the people make the place, or did the place make the people? Did the fact that these people were mostly poor, or at least of modest means, and sometimes even homeless, turn the place into a zoo, or did the zoo turn the people into animals? I knew, even in just one night, that the latter was true. You become your environment, and you become what you are expected to be. The lower the standard, the lower the result. The ruder the treatment, the cruder, the more animal, the man.

But did causality move in the other direction, too? This seemed true as well, even in the outside world. Public places become disgusting because no one cares about them. They belong to no one, even though ostensibly they belong to all. And so they decline. People litter. People piss. They deface whatever they can reach, leaving all those grimy little marks of insignificance that add up to a slum. What is not yours is not your problem, and then it is everyone’s problem, or eyesore.”-Norah Vincent, Involuntary Madness

Everyday I see people smoking and throwing their cigarette butts to the ground. Now, I have problems with that for many different reasons. But I won’t even go into the fact that their endangering their lives and others. (My bias is clearly shown.)  Does that not count as littering? Why do they think it’s okay?

I always hated it in high school and college when people made a mess for someone else to clean. People would explain that the dorm staff or the custodians could do it. “It’s their job.” They would explain. But why make it more difficult for someone? I think if we all have more respect and pride in what we do and where we live, the world will be a better place. No, you don’t have to bring your trash out of the movie theater. But, really how much effort does that take?  After I read Nickeled and Dimed, I always cleaned my hotel room before leaving. The hotel cleaning staff does not get paid enough to be left with a disgusting mess left by overprivledged young adults. I remember my mom making us clean the house before our housekeeper came. Many people understand that for their own personal property, but forget that when the ownership is less specific.

I believe we are all part of this city, this world together, for better or for worse. Patriotism and community can not just be isolated to elections and fourth of July. This is our chance in creating a culture of collaboration and respect for future generations. Today and everyday.

My entrepreunial spirit

On the subway, I overheard a group of young professionals talking about how successful someone was as they just got a promotion in a huge corporate company making huge corporate dollars. Of course, the money, the lifestyle, the prestige–all those things are great. But for some reason, it didn’t seem like all that much of an accomplishment. You paid your dues, you made the right contacts, you did your job enough to move to the next level. Although these aren’t all easy feats, they are compared to owning your own company, being an entrepreneur and making success with your own two hands.

I’m sure my parents having their own business, as well as many of my best friends’ parents having successful companies have influenced my point of view. I can’t imagine being 50 and a VP of some company that I didn’t create or at least help form. The funny thing is, I’ve seen how unglamorous it is to have your own company. Working wayyyyyyyyyy overtime, not knowing what your salary will be year to year, having to compete with the bigger competitors -all remind me of why corporations work. But despite that, I love the idea of making your own hours, creating your work environment, envisioning your logo, and making a mission statement that is truly your own.

Through my extensive twenty three years of living and dreaming, I’ve had many career ambitions.

Career Ambition Timeline

1. Luby’s cafeteria line worker (Detail: Preferably with the Cloverleaf rolls and without the hairnet)
2. Waitress at Pappa’s Seafood (Re: Mainly because my dad loved going there growing up, can we say daddy’s girl?)
3. Interior Decorator (Re: We were designing our house at the time, and I loved wallpaper, tile, and paint samples)
4. Teacher (Re: I think this is standard for most girls?Stereotypical, I know.)
5. Nun (Re: What can I say, Sister Act and good CCE teachers made it appealing)
6. Flight attendant (Re: I wanted to travel the world and wear wings on my blazer. This still could be a viable option, but I don’t want to have to give people food, barf bags, or sell duty free.)
7. Principal (Re: I realized I needed more power than a teacher.)
8. Singer in a girl band (Particularly when my sisters and I thought of Handaughter, get it, like Hanson)
9. Professional Gymnast (And then I straddled a beam…)
10. Architect (Until I took physics…)
11. Cookie cake baker (Continues to be a presence in my life)
12. Lawyer (Re: I like to argue.)
13. President (Girls State inspired me. Fox News discourages me)
14. Prison Psychologist (Re: I think I watched too many scary movies at this point.)
15. Career Counselor (Re: Because obviously I knew what I wanted to be, so I should help others right?)
16. Nutritionist (Thank you, Roberta Anding)
17. Professor (Minus the whole grant writing, constant struggle for tenure)
18. Eating Disorder Specialist (Re: Watch For the Love of Nancy, and tell me you don’t want to help)
19. Social Worker (“Save the world” phase)
20. HR professional (Realistic “I just need a job” phase)
21. Peace Corps volunteer (“Save the world” phase)
22. Life coach (Will someone hire me if I’m in my mid twenties and never had a real job?)
23. Photographer ( If only, millions of other people didn’t have this talent.)
24. Surgeon (Re: During those five seconds while I watched McSteamy and then realized I faint at the sight of my own blood.)
25. Stationary shop owner/designer (Still there.)
26. Peacemaker (“Save the world” phase)
27. Consultant (“Make money, so I can travel the world” phase)
28. Food Critic (If I don’t eat meat, is that a problem?)
29. B&B Owner (I think you have to be over the age of 55 to want to do this.)
30. Boss (I know I have a high need for power and achievement….that works right?)
31. Olympic Ice Skater (Until I realized my body fat percentage would never be under 8%)
32. Reality TV Star (Re: Sometimes I walk around with a soundtrack in my head.)
33. Boutique Owner (Clearly I’ll get good discounts)
34. Dessert Critic (Maybe someone who thinks all things with peanut butter or chocolate are delicious, doesn’t have the most discerning pallet.)
35. Admissions Officer (I like making big decisions for other people, not myself.)
36. President of a University (I guess this should also be post age 30)
37. Font creator (Well, really just my own font. I never said I wanted to be modest.)
38. Professional organizer (Closets, Attics, Offices, you know throwing out your crap and making everything color coded)
39. After this the realistic jobs just rotate in depending on the day of the week and my level of stress (Consultant, HR Prof, Consultant, HR Prof.. you get it)

I have never wanted to be the following things (despite what my mother claims):

1. Astronaut (I like Earth just fine.)
2. Ballerina (I saw the blisters on my sister’s feet when she did point. No thanks.)
3. Engineer (Sorry Dad)
4. Butcher (Vegetarian Butcher? Doesn’t sound right)
5. Accountant (I’d want to bring colors to Tax Returns, and that’s probably not allowed.)

Great, so you can eliminate 5 career options from my future. The rest are all up for grabs. And I wonder why I don’t have an offer for a job yet. Don’t judge my indecisiveness. Praise me for my…uhhh, can we call this imagined versatility?